||[Oct. 8th, 2014|10:14 pm]
it's been probably a long time since i posted.|
so much has happened, both physically, mentally, spiritually, and in every other way.
for a start, i don't hate myself as much as i used to.
i've learned to live with myself a bit more, and recognise my good points.
in the past year i have:
- quit my shit job in retail
- started my own freelance business with the help of a government program
- made a little bit of money (lol)
- broken up with a boyfriend, only to be hurt by someone else
- made a few friends... even though i'm still not terribly open, i manage.
- taken a lot of photos. and made videos
- gained a bit of weight
- died my hair purple (this is a recent addition)
- tried not to give a shit what people think as much
- discovered amazing new music
and now, i want to plan my escape. i want to save my money,
and fuck off out of australia. i feel like i've been waiting my whole life to fuck off out of here. and maybe now i realistically can, because i know kind of
where i am going with my 'career'.
i'm eating yoghurt with sprinkles. it's really yum.
i have back problems. and i should be more healthy. and not smoke.
but fuck it.
i want to live in the english countryside in a big fuck off house and read books and drink tea and laze around and tend to my garden like beatrix potter and maybe
have a few rabbits. i just want somewhere to be alone and make all of my things
somewhere with not too many spiders.
i want, i want, i want - all of these things.
but only time will tell whether i will attain all or any of them.
but all i can say is i am trying.
and that is as good as i can do. (so fuck you).
sorry but this post wouldn't be emma enough unless i said that once.
maybe i will write again here, soon.
because writing helps to clear my head. and i really miss writing in a journal
and i should do it every day. for my sanity.